You are worthy of love
It’s difficult to hear that so many young people have discovered the use of self harm as a way to ‘feel better’.
As someone that seriously hated herself for many years and self harmed in various ways, it’s a relief to understand these behaviours were driven by an underlying core belief of believing ‘I was not good enough’ and ‘I am not loveable’.
These self harming behaviours led to strong emotions of guilt, shame and regret, which perpetuated the self harm trying to find external validation. A vicious cycle.
As a therapist I have the honour of working with adults of all ages, who like me, experience a lack of self worth. It doesn’t matter how this belief manifests itself, when you delve deep into the self harming behaviour the same core belief is present:
‘I am not good enough’
‘I am worthless’
I know only too well the repercussions of these core beliefs.
They can be catastrophic, which in my experience resulted in self harm, when ignored these behaviours can lead to severe mental health issues as happened to me.
The truth is adults are also self harming in some way, often to deal with the perceived stress of life.
Self harm can come in many different forms: drinking too much, smoking, eating too much or not enough, gambling or over shopping; maybe you’re doing something that is seemingly healthy, like exercising or working, but if you’re truthful with yourself are you doing these things to excess and trying to push down painful emotions?
Maybe you’re a worrier and overtly anxious about situations, causing unnecessary stress and harm to your mind and physical body?
Although these actions may not leave the physical scars of self harm, in the form of ‘cutting’, the habitual things that we do each day are indeed a way of numbing our emotional pain.
Unlike adults, our wonderful young people are trying to find a way to deal with their emotions – by cutting you are trying to feel something, where as the adult tries to find a way to block out the emotion and this is what our young people witness.
Surely as the adult we have to be the one’s to take responsibility for our damaging thoughts and behaviours, to consciously find ways to break the cycle of anxiety and depression?
These behaviours and internal struggles are often a prevalent pattern for families, persisting from one generation to the next. Unless we honour ourselves and actually choose to deal with how we’re feeling in a positive and healthy way we’ll simply continue to maintain this pattern and pass it on to our beloved children, and so the cycle continues!
After all it’s often the struggles that we take on from our parents that create the anxieties and beliefs we experience as a child. Over the years we learn to bury our beliefs deep in our sub conscious and physical body. Often too scared and unaware of how to change the way we feel these self harming behaviours can take over until one day we finally realise it’s time to deal with how we feel.
So what can you do to resolve the self harming behaviours, and change the belief of not feeling good enough?
If you’re ready to find new ways of being and you feel ready to heal the past and end the need to self harm, your first step is to start practising self love.
Be kind to yourself.
You are absolutely worthy of love.